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Here are some jokes for you.

Some of these jokes are a bit weird so if you find something which offends you then I appologise !


Blindness

It seems that there was this little 9 year old blind kid, and one day he said to his mom, ''Mom, all I've ever wanted was to see.'' His mom said, ''Well son it's your lucky day, today is the last day of March, and if you pray your hardest, your prayers will be answered.''

So the little boy goes to bed 2 hours early and starts praying himself to sleep. He wakes up half way through the night and realizes that the night isn't over, so he prays another hour before he falls asleep again.

He finally wakes up the next morning and yells, ''Mom, Mom, get in here fast!'' His mom comes running in and says, ''What is it son?' the boy says, ''Mom I did just what you said, I prayed and prayed harder than anyone else ever has, but I woke up this morning, and I'm still blind!'' So his mom says.......''April Fools!!''


Confucius Say....

  • Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
  • He who lives in glass house, dress in basement
  • Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.
  • Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
  • He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.
  • Boys who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand.
  • Man with hole in pocket feels cocky all day long.
  • Couple on 7 day honeymoon make hole weak.
  • Girl who sits on Judge's lap gets honorable discharge.
  • Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.
  • Squirrels who run up woman's leg not find nuts.
  • He who runs behind bus get exhausted.
  • Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.
  • Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
  • He who fishes in others' holes often catches crabs.
  • Man who puts Dick in Peanut Butter jar is Fucking Nuts

  • A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You are going to die. But we feel sorry for you, so we will give you one wish a day for three days, on sundown of the third day, you die. What is your first wish?"

    The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse." The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only think of one thing."

    The second day, the chief says, "What is your wish today?" The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the ass. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to die and can only think of one thing."

    The last day comes, and the chief says, "This is your last wish, white man. What you want?" The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, "Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!"


    Two cowboys come staggering out of the zoo covered in scratches, and bruises. One cowboy turns to the other and says, ?Thats the last time I go Lion dancin? with you!?


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