Here are some jokes for you.
Some of these jokes are a bit weird so if you find something which offends you then I appologise !
These headlines are among the weird and wonderful United States newspaper headlines of 1998.
« Include your children when baking cookies
« Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
« Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
« Drunks get nine months in violin case
« Iraqi head seeks arms
« Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
« Prostitutes appeal to Pope
« Panda mating fails: Veterinarian takes over
« Teacher strikes idle kids
« Clinton wins budget: More lies ahead
« Miners refuse to work after death
« Juvenile court to try shooting defendant
« Two sisters reunited after 18 years in check out counter
«If strike isnêt settled quickly, it may last a while
« Couple slain: Police suspect homicide
« Man struck be lightning faces battery charge
« New study of obesity looks for a larger test group
« Astronaut takes blame for gas in space
« Local school dropouts cut in half
« Typhoon rips through cemetery: hundreds dead
A man goes into a cafe and sits down.
A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, "What's the special of the day?" "Chili," she says, "but the gentleman next to you got the last bowl."
The man says he'll just have coffee, and the waitress goes to fetch it.
As he waited, he noticed the man next to him was eating a full lunch and the bowl of chili remained uneaten.
"Are you going to eat your chili?" he asked. "No, help yourself," replied his neighbor.
The man picked up a spoon and eagerly began devouring the chili. When he got halfway through the bowl, he noticed the body of a dead mouse in the bottom of the bowl. Sickened, he vomited the chili he had just eaten back into the bowl.
"Yeah, that's as far as I got, too," said the man sitting next to him.
Paddy was driving down the freeway when his car phone rings.
Picking it up he hears his wifeês voice warning him, "Paddy! I've just heard the traffic news and there's some idiot going the wrong way along the freeway. Please be careful!" "Jesus Christ!" replies Paddy, "It's not just one car.... there's hundreds of the buggers!"
An actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term:
"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. "As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. "Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1 - If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2 - Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? "If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year "That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true,and thus:
I am sure that Hell is exothermic."
The student got the only A.
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