Here are some jokes for you.

Some of these jokes are a bit weird so if you find something which offends you then I appologise !


A guy, a pig, and a dog are the survivors of a terrible shipwreck, and they find themselves stranded on a desert island.

After being there awhile, they get into a ritual of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance!

Well, soon that pig started looking better and better to the guy, so he leaned toward the pig and put his arm around it.

The dog became jealous and growled fiercely at the guy, until he removed his arm from the pig.

They continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.

The only survivor was a beautiful young woman. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her and they slowly nursed her back to good health.

When she was well enough they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.

The guy started getting 'those' ideas again, so he leaned toward the girl and whispered in her ear, "Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

Q: What is the definition of a tree?

A: A piece of vegetation that stays in the same place for years, then jumps in front of your car on the way home from the pub.

Q: What is the fundamental differences between a science degree, an engineering degree, and an arts degree?

A: A science graduate will ask - –Do we know how it works?”

An engineering graduate will ask - –Do we know how to build it?”

An arts graduate will ask - –Do you want fries with that?”

Q: Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?

A: They hang around after the man leaves and talk to the woman.

Q: Have you heard about the man who couldnęt find anyone to sing with?

A: He had to buy himself a Duet-yourself kit

Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

A: Dam!

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?

A: A drunk doesnęt have to go to those damn meetings.

Q: What is the difference between pink and purple?

A: The tightness of the grip

Q: How do know youęre really having a drought?

A: You see two trees fighting over a dog.

Q: If it takes only one sperm to fertilise an egg, why does a man produce so many when he comes?

A: To leave a bad taste in the womanęs mouth

Q: Why is it good to have a wife?

A: Because sooner or later, something will happen that you canęt blame on the government.

Q: What does a postcard from a blond on holiday say?

A: –Ięm having a great time. Where am I?”

Q: Did you hear about the Irishman who killed his parrot?

A: He fed it PolyFilla.

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